Sing a New Song to the Lord

This week is the first week of the "spring term." There is, however, a smattering of snow on the ground, left from the last weather event. ( I wonder what the weather is like at Southern?). This semester I am trying to serve too many masters- the master of taking the courses you need, the master of trying to not have any evening classes, the master of my family needs me too, and the master of the gas tank. The first three masters won, and so I am officially earning my new self-proclaimed moniker of asphalt warrior, driving five days a week. The good news is I have no Monday or Tuesday morning classes. I have no Friday afternoon classes, but.. I am driving five days a week. Today I thought I was personally fulfilling the old postal service motto of " Neither rain, nor snow, nor dark of night will keep us from our appointed rounds." It was still a little dark when I left. And it was lightly raining. As I got closer to getting on the PA Turnpike I must have crossed a zone on the weather map ( like in someone's world I am in the snowglobe and it just got shaken). It got really windy, the temperature dropped ten degrees and I really thought I would get blown right off of that bridge over the Susquehanna River. Then I looked ahead and saw a ladder laying in the road ( apparently it blew off of a contractor's truck because he was backing up along the shoulder). Missed that one. And then the snow started. Then I drove out of that into bright clear morning sun
( the blinding kind) - why did I leave my sunglasses at home? Coming into the home stretch, I know with relief that the next exit is mine off of the highway that leads me into Gettysburg. Putting my mind on auto pilot, I narrowly missed the tree that has fallen in the road. But I did.
Now, normally my drive is much more sanguine than all of that. But I hope it is not a portent of things to come. Unless I am tired and need really zippy music, once I get past the need for the traffax report, I use the time to listen to some form of "religious music"- it could be a children's chorale, a Christian rock band, chant, gospel - I am kind of eclectic. But I find that this has helped me "weather" the drive and feel that sense of "you are not alone."
On campus, it has been great to see everyone who is back, and hear their tales. And of course we are looking forward to when our classmate Brian is back in a week or two after his Dad's funeral. But after a month away, it feels good and right to be back, and for some of us much has happened in our time apart that has made rekindling the connections a real joy.
Back in the seminary choir, which has been a great way to refine how I sing, and a great way to fill the music part of me. One of my friends said it best, when identifying why this is so important- music in worship is in essence a component of how she prays. That without singing, she is not as conversational with God- she just gets kind of stuck. I had never thought of it that way, but I think she may be onto something. As I left my home church and choir, part of the separation anxiety was that I had just jettisoned a big part of my faith expression. It wasn't gone for good, I just needed to live into a new way of my life. Kind of like praying a new prayer. One is not better, one is not a substitute, it is just a different way of talking with God. The seminary choir is not my hometown choir, and neither is the group I call " the ladies that sing" but each of these is a distinct and valuable part of who I am and what my relationship with God is. To deny that opportunity for each to be that aspect would be to tell God there is nothing new to say.
This Sunday I will be back in the Country Parish. Over the break, I unexpectedly received a card signed by about 15 of them, thanking me for my time with them in the fall, wishing me well and telling me they look forward to my return. This week I think I have gotten four emails about coming back, and the song the ladies want to sing on Sunday, and feedback on the second service that they have added. Long after I am not there, I know that when I drive past the road I take off of the highway to get to the Country Parish ( which I pass every time I drive to LTSG) I will say a prayer for them as I do now.
On Wednesdays ( except Lent) my home church holds a service on the campus of the college in our town, attended by the Lutherans on campus. I usually try to go when I can. One of the girls who is a senior, has just started the candidacy process. She hopes to go to LTSS ( despite our efforts to get her to go the Gettysburg). As I have watched her have anxiety over the process, I can see where I was this time last year. Being able to be supportive rather than just saying "it will be fine" has felt good. She too will begin a new journey.
Meanwhile, my journey continues and I know I will continue to discover new songs to sing.

Calling All Prayer Warriors...

Today, I lift up a fellow blogger and his family. Coach, at Prepare Ye is also a fellow seminarian at LTSG with me. Coach is from Michigan ( a little too far to commute). Like me he is closer to 50 than 25. Last week his parents were in a pretty bad car accident. His Mom is hurt and will recover. Today we learned that his Dad is hurt and may not. Needless to say, Coach has gone home to Michigan. Not only is this tragic in its own right, and compounded by the fact the accident is Mom's fault, and it is at the beginning of the term, but Coach is ( also like me) an only child.
So in addition to prayers for the healing of his parents, please pray that he may feel the loving and sustaining embrace of God, as he travels what can be a pretty lonely and painful path. Even with the most wonderful friends and congregation, there are times when you are alone with only your closest loved ones. Right now for Coach that is a committee of one.
I don't expect any updates via his blog, but please feel free to post your thoughts there- they will be meaningful when he sees them.
None of us knows what a day or hour brings.
Here's a U2charist cover of Love Rescue Me by U-2 for Coach.

On behalf of our hurting friend- thanks and God Bless!

UPDATE: AFTER THIS POST, I RECEIVED WORD THAT COACH'S FATHER HAS ENTERED LIFE ETERNAL. WE GIVE THANKS FOR HIS LIFE AND WITNESS, WE PRAY FOR THE SUSTAINING OF COACH AND HIS MOM. WE KNOW THAT THE PAIN OF LOSS IS GREAT. MAY THE KNOWLEDGE OF RESURRECTION VICTORY BRING COMFORT AND STRENGTH FOR THE DAYS AHEAD. AMEN.

Forgiven, Forgotten

Today is the commemoration of the Conversion of Paul. While I often relate to the impetuous outspoken nature of Peter, I can just as easily relate to Paul. Saul, a man of strong, even zealous convictions, pursuing his own path with a slavish fervor. Literally stopped in his tracks by God, renamed and redirected. Upon his conversion, what must have gone through Paul's mind? For starters, "What have I done?!" As I contemplate the range and depth of perhaps even visceral emotion that must have occurred, it would be easy to focus on that aspect of Paul's story, and bind ourselves to it. In each of us, there are moments where we have sensed a collosal mistake. But the message instead is not so much about who Paul was, but who God IS. And so after the " what have I done" moment, I believe there must have been a moment of liberation for Paul.
But then reality comes hurtling back. Think about the followers of Jesus, and what they must have thought. There would be Paul, amidst the murmuring comments of others, the doubt of his sincerity, the anger and hurt over his past. The weight of not only his own recognition, but the response of the followers that did not wish to embrace him, trust him, see him as a fellow brother in Christ. I think about in our own congregations the divisions that can threaten to tear our community apart when we focus more on the "Saul" in someone, than the God in our midst.
"You want me to do what?"
I urge you to read the post of Eric at Heart of a Pastor where he quotes a great story from Brennan Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel. Forgiveness is more than accepting our apology, it is about forgetting our sins. For Paul, for you, for me.
How easy is it for us to grasp that unending love? To live that love? For me, it is pretty hard. But we are freed by a God who loves and forgives and forgets anyway.

Freed from the shackles may we be inspired to go out and proclaim that message of grace, mercy and forgiveness to those desperate to hear this good news we know. And to live it in our lives. And may we trust in that message of forgiveness for ourselves.
May we heed the words of the great Gerhard Forde, who in The Preached God:Proclamation in Word and Sacrament urged his listeners, newly called pastors, by bestowing the gospel message:

"Remember above all, that the promise of the Father, the power from on high is, above all, the power of forgiveness. Don’t forget to claim that also for yourself. You are not called to carry the world on your back. You are not called to be religious megalomaniacs, gurus or whatever. You are witnesses. You see, there is a real good news here for you, too. You aren’t called to do it all. Just to bear witness. God will take it from there. You will be clothed with power from on high. Speak that word of forgiveness! Preach it!"

And may we allow that message of forgiveness to trickle down into the deepest recesses of our soul. And to remember that no matter who we have been, God IS.
Enjoy this great song from Casting Crowns.

Mission Reflections

" I used to have all of my teeth, but 20 years of doing crack took care of that. I lost all of my kids except this one. She is my gift. I tried four times to have an abortion. Once the cab didn't show, once the doctor didn't show, once I didn't have the money. The last time I couldn't find the office- it was across the street from where I looked but God must not have wanted me to see it. " It was too late then, so I had to quit doing crack for the baby. I haven't done it since- I'm clean for three years. The boyfriend left and I got kicked out, but I'll make it for her. God has a plan.. can I have that Bible? I have actually never read one."

An African American woman got a job, and at the end of two weeks, quit. Her supervisor kept assigning new tasks before any of the others could be completed, in a vicious cycle. In relating why she left the job, the woman added, "And this supervisor was black too, so it wasn't about 'that.'" Clearly the expectation was that a non-black supervisor would be looking for her to fail- racism of low expectations.

In Bible study, one African American woman offered a story about her old neighborhood. Tensions arose when Koreans began to move into the area and buy up storefronts and open businesses, disgruntling long time residents who had not been able to do this. The Koreans could. One store was well known on the street for when the Korean owner would take the money to the bank. An African American man made a plan to rob her. "I saw this was going to go down." She crossed the street to protect the woman. "I did not know her, but what he was going to do was wrong, and she could get hurt. She was pregnant too. I tried to get between him and her. Then he pulled out a gun. …" "People from the neighborhood asked why I got involved. I said, 'I don't know this woman, I have no reason to wish her harm.' I just saw what was right and did it. I didn't care that she was Korean."

"I was always the one who wouldn't amount to anything. I always just tried to make everyone happy. When my Dad was sick, he was living in a motel with his wife. She didn't want to take care of him. He had diabetes and ulcers and sores. What did I know about that? And I had a job and an apartment. But I was like, OK, so I came down. He was so sick. I took him to the hospital and the sores were smelly and oozing. I learned how to take care of him. And she just sat there. I gave up what I was doing. She just told me what a loser I was, that I was a screwup. When he died, I was like, now they told me to plan a service. She said she didn't know what to do. It was so hard. Who was I? I know over the years I drank and did drugs and people made fun of me. And I just wanted to do the right thing. My sister is perfect but she couldn't help and they laugh at me because I ended up here. Well, I had a job until all that happened. Sometimes I just cry. I feel like a lunatic. You probably think I am. I don't know why I am not a strong person. But I think I can make it. "

I think they will accept me in the Lydia Center ( for long-term recovery) – did I tell you I only have one more interview? I am CLAIMIN that for myself! I hope God answers my prayer.

"He made me give him back his cell phone. He gave me a prepaid one. He won't return my calls. I thought we were getting married. He wants space, but then he calls and yells if I am not around. I don't know why he is so mean. "

"He says he is going to rehab. He wants me to come to Montana with him. I just got a new job. What if I go and he doesn't change? Then what?"

Her liver is so swollen her abdomen is distended. Advanced hepatitis.

"I got a job but the price of gas is so high, I can't get there in my car."

"I need to get to the doctor. I need to get the Access bus. I called to schedule my appointment, but the appointment they gave is tomorrow. I have to give 24 hours notice to get the bus. I called to find out when the bus can come, but then when I called the doctor I can't get an appointment then. How will I ever get my leg checked?"

"I saw a man on the street. He asked me for a quarter. I had 35 cents, but I had a truck full of scrap metal to get paid for. So I gave him the 35 cents. It felt so good. I felt bad for him that he was homeless. Now I am."

What you do for the least of these, you do for me.

What if, in the end analysis, the person who is the least has become you?

I have finished my three weeks of required time at the Mission. I try to figure out if I can fit in just one weekend shift a month with my course load. I wonder who will rise up and fly, who will leave before they should. A few women had left in my time there and more had come. And I find it hard to know that I will not see the end of this story for their lives. That there are scores more in every community, each with a story. And it can seem like we would have nothing in common, but long before we talk about the details, I know we all share one thing. We are all equally beloved children of God, and all equally sinners. And that one thing is the biggest thing we could share.

So you are the Assistant...

Last night there was a Service of Consecration for a friend, and long time member of our congregation, who has become a diaconal minister. I was asked to serve as cantor for the service which was being held in my home parish. I would be happy to share in this great moment for him and for the Church.
Well.. when I got to the church last evening, I was handed a service binder, and it was then that I learned that I was not simply singing, but was serving as the Assistant in worship. Full court worship, so to speak with all of the liturgical solemnity good German Lutherans can bring to bear. A chance to do things we only talked about in Worship class- thanks Dr. Oldenburg! Not merely intoning a kyrie, but leading the prayers of the church, processing with the gospeller, assisting the bishop during the Great Thanksgiving and Holy Communion and the sending. And since this is my home congregation, during the rehearsal suddenly I was answering lots of questions for the bishop and visiting pastors about our worship practices for setting the table, communion, etc, etc, etc.
Now I am a self-confessed worship junkie, but me mere first year seminarian. And I somehow have agonized more over serving in worship once I really started to think about it in seminary. I am, after all,also a fretter. So I think God blessed me with ignorance of my role until yesterday so I could not obsess over it. And fortuitously my alb was at the church. As we were preparing, my pastor who only had to make announcements, and read the Gospel, assured me all would be fine, you'll be great, the congregation will be proud.
Meant to reassure me, it hit me. My congregation- they are all watching. My friend- this is his really big moment. All of these pastors and visitors.
Why am I wearing a long sleeved shirt? I am suddenly very warm.
And I am being told that the bishop will follow my lead during communion and post-communion. No worries, no pressure, it is not a performance, it is worship.
"Surely it is God who saves me, I will trust in him and not be afraid." As so often is the case, the best things happen when God calls the tune and not me.
After all, this is what you believe you are called to do. And I love worship.
And ironically, though I served wearing my alb when I am in my home parish for several months now, it was only yesterday that anyone noticed it. Although I have been a seminarian since August, if it is possible, yesterday when I processed with the pastors, I became "our seminarian."
And just before the procession, in the back row, is my friend with cancer, who waves, and holds up the chain around her neck- my cross. " I love the prayers you recorded for me and the doctor says I can have wine!" with a smile.
So as we begin the procession in behind the choir, it suddenly all feels - right.
And I begin the kyrie.
About the third petition, it hits me again. For a nanosecond, I think I will have no breath to sing the next phrase.But it passes, by the work of the Spirit, and with the exception of my Beloved who detected the one second pause, no one is any the wiser. "You sounded great- there was one brief pause where I thought, is she going to croak? But you didn't." "And your voice sounded different. It has for awhile- you used to sound like a lawyer, now you sound, well, like a pastor."
What a wonderful and affirming time for my friend as many gathered to support him in the official beginning of his call to Word and Witness and Service to the world. And on the day of the Confession of Saint Peter, a fitting time for remembering a confession of faith and a setting apart for service.
At the reception after, we had a good laugh about my face when I was handed the service binder, and celebrated this new chapter in his life. Members of my home parish were telling me I should be able to get some kind of credit at seminary -"just show them the bulletin."
And people were talking about "someday when you are a pastor." I thought I was just showing up to sing, but I left with another step in the affirmation of call and a step further in redefining my relationship with my home church and the Church. What a gift and what a rush!
Lord, we give you thanks for all who serve your church. Guide and sustain pastors, associates in ministry, diaconal ministers and all who serve. May they know your abiding presence. May we together be one in mission to proclaim your creative and redeeming Word to all the world.Amen.

Friday Five: Read any good books lately?

Rev HRod shares,
The website promoting this piece of art says, "For the first time, the worlds most influential religious texts are brought together and presented on the same level, their coexistence acknowledged and celebrated”. The shelf is made of reclaimed wood that contains seven religious books. The designers have put them – literally – on the same level.

Well, pish posh! I think that some books ARE better than others! How about you?


What book have you read in the last six months that has really stayed with you? Why?
Brennan Manning's Ragamuffin Gospel. His work gets to the core of who we all are, starting with himself, and without pretense or artifice we become enveloped by God's love, each of us a ragamuffin.

What is one of your favorite childhood books?
Where the Wild Things Are by Maurice Sendak. "Let the wild rumpus start!"
That might be a good title for my book...

Do you have a favorite book of the Bible? Do tell!
The Book of Romans is and has always been may favorite in the sense that it speaks to me consistently, however, almost without exception, every book of the Bible has a kernel, or many, that resound. Even ones that a casual reader might think would not. Like Leviticus- just a bunch of laws? Also where we hear "Love your neighbor as yourself" first. Of course when we were teenagers we used to try to read Song of Solomon for its "meaning." wink, wink.

What is one book you could read again and again?

Other than the Bible, of course (which the local political candidates always make sure to say- but do we believe them?),Pride and Prejudice. It amazes me that a woman of no great means, who never left her corner of England, could so deftly cast the nature of human relationships.

Is there a book you would suggest for Lenten reading? What is it and why?
Come Be My Light which tells of the call and work of Mother Teresa, and her writings. Her struggle to bring help and ministry to the poorest of the poor, the unlikely nature an Eastern European girl hearing that she should go to India, her frustration as others fail to comprehend her message from God, and her internal struggles of faith and doubt are still with me. I wish I had read it during Lent.

And because we all love bonus questions, if you were going to publish a book what would it be? Who would you want to write the jacket cover blurb expounding on your talent?

Unless seminary turns me into a noted scholar, I think that my book would be one of two kinds. One, and serious in nature, a book of devotions for our daily lives, our real daily lives, entitled Walking By Faith because it is by faith that we make it through the things that we cannot see turning out- in our own lives, those of our friends and children. I would want Max Lucado to love it and extol my talents.

But much more fun would be an irreverent poke at the amusing aspects of our lives. Not sure what the title would be, but sadly the person who would hype me up is now in the eternal bookstore- Erma Bombeck.

Hi-Tech Prayer

I have been mulling around a meaningful way to help my friend over these last few days. I just finished reading Final Gifts and one thing I learned is that hearing is the last sense to fade for most people. I found that fascinating. Then I got a thank you note for the cross from my friend with cancer. She asked me to tell her again about the cross- could I call and leave it on her answering machine? I notice in the note that her handwriting has begun to change and that some common words are misspelled. How can I connect with her when she is not doing well? How I connect when she is not up for visitors? How can she connect with me when it is convenient for her, but I am in class? There is email, but, what else could I do? "Leave me a message."
I could record a message. Better yet, I could record a message not just from me, but from God. I could record prayers, and scripture. Maybe some music. She could listen when she wants, where she wants, as much as she wants. She can play it back over and over if she feels she did not catch what was said, and she will not be embarrassed.
I just got some new recording software to record LC#1's audition CD for a summer music program. I could test it out.
So I pulled up the ELCA Daily Prayer resources on the web, and the new Renewing Worship resource for readings and prayers for the sick, for healing and wholeness. Luckily my laptop has a built in microphone. I recorded the daily prayer track. It took a couple readthroughs to get used to pacing and using the "stop" versus "pause" features. Then I looked through the readings and prayers, and decided that I could alternate a reading and a prayer, so that it would end with a final prayer.
When I was done I saved the files into WAV format in Windows Media Player, made them into a playlist, then burned them onto a CD. And lucky for me, the programs can guide even an idiot like me through.
I tested it on a different computer before I put the CD and a note together with a printed version and delivered it. I called to say I would be dropping it by, and I know my friend is in therapy this morning so there will be something for later. A way to greet her after a perhaps difficult session. She could listen as she is riding in the car. I can make new prayers for when there may be choices to make- hard choices.
Maybe the files could be used for others who are ill, convalescing or suffering.
Maybe I could record separate prayers and readings for their caregivers.
Maybe we could use this format to occasionally send audio greetings to our shutins in addition to just cards.
Well, my mind is spinning at the possibilities.
On the chance that I am not just catching up to what others already know, I used free audio recording software from Audacity which is available at http://audacity.sourceforge.net/download. And since it's free, might as well play with it. It can also save in MP3 format as well. I am not sure how to post a link to it.

If anyone else has experience with this and has ideas to share, please let me know.
For everyone who has been in touch with prayers, on behalf of my friend and her family I give thanks.