A Tale of Two Palm Sundays

Luke 19:29-40

In my internship parish, Palm Sunday is observed in its own right, rather than Palm/Passion Sunday. So, yesterday in traditional worship there was a glorious procession into a packed sanctuary full of people eager to break out those bright spring outfits, with palms and choirs and bagpipes and "Hosanna." Songs of "Lead On, O King Eternal" and "All Glory Laud and Honor to you Redeemer King." Abundant praise.
And yesterday at our free breakfast, it was an overflow crowd of people who can't always shower, often carrying various bundles, whose outfits are often layers of whatever. An overflow beyond the regulars and the semi-regulars. I watched as one man brought five children and hoisting bulging plates overhead he called to them- “Come and sit- we have a feast today!” They paraded over to a table needed some extra chairs which I brought over. And then before they ate, he said to them-“First we need to give thanks- we need to pray to Jesus Christ” and he placed their hands together and they prayed. Their exuberance filled their part of the room. Joyful praise.We need to give God the glory, and our praise and our devotion for what God has done.

The room was filled with people who wanted to share joyful praise and also those who were ready to just make a mad dash for food and coffee, but here is what praise sounded like:
“I have been looking for a job. I waited for help but none came. God gave me the strength to push on for six months and now I start next week! I feel like a real person again!”
“I know you will be sad, but I am leaving- I found a group home that will take me and I can leave the Mission!”
“This is my stepson- he just got out of prison this week-in time for Easter!”
“My girlfriend is finally out of the hospital”
“A man tried to start a fight with me and you know I get angry, but I know if you pray with me now, I can let it go.”
“This week I decided I want to join this church and have my girls baptized- I see I don’t have to try to go it alone.”
“I was asked to pray and I could not- I told God you need to do it for me-and the words that came were beautiful- I knew it was not me-It changed everything and I need to tell people my story.”
“I have started reading at the library about sitting and listening for God- it really works!”
“It has been three years and four months since I drank- I could never have done it without God”
One man shared that he sings hymns all day as he walks around the city- If you saw this man, what would YOUR response be?
There at the breakfast, the gospel for the day was coming to life. Coming down the mountain, all gritty and sweaty momentum- Praising God at the top of their voices for all the miracles they had seen. People who journey often and whose life is as seemingly random as “go and untie that colt because I said so.” I feel pretty certain that the crowds of Jesus' followers were not all fresh and pulled together and likeable, that they may have been a bit unruly. That it may have seemed overwhelming as they shouted at the tops of their voices. When we have about 150 for breakfast and people want to make sure they are heard, it really does take the top of one’s voice. Their energy level could be a little overwhelming.

Beyond our breakfast room, there were some voices who wondered-“Why are there so many?” Voices who wondered whether it could be that the weather was a little colder and it was good to be inside. It could be that it is the end of the month and resources are tight. Or that addictions force people to live this life. And in part these reasons are right. These were certainly the speculations of others who were feeling a little overwhelmed with “where have they all come from?” Feeling a little like those Pharisees who urged Jesus to admonish or rein in the followers.
It was a little overwhelming. And not all in the crowd were there to praise, a good number were just there to eat. That’s the thing about crowds, they can be a mixed bag.
But when the Master is in our midst, things do get stirred up in abundance. An unpredictable abundance. People do want to praise, and we are confronted with whether our need for control will get the best of us- When our need for control turns us into cold, rigid, non-living ones who are silent and weighty, like stones. Who allow decorum to trump enthusiasm, who allow the weight of judgment to squash what seems too much. Who want to schedule things rather than take a ride on unbridled praise.
And yet as the psalmist writes, “Deliverance belongs to the Lord, your blessing be upon your people!” Ps. 3:8. “Let my mouth be full of praise and your glory all the day long. ” Ps. 71:8.
While there were those voices that were unsure about where this ride was going, I give thanks that they stayed with it, and with where the Master was leading as before our eyes, the Word was made manifest. As we head into this week of recalling our Lord's Passion, let us not forget that moment of the triumphal ride. When we gather for Easter may we not be constrained, but lift our voices in praise of the power and triumph of our King, Master and Lord.

The Consequences of Reversing Directions, Part II

More from Dennis Hamm's reflections on the consequences of "praying backwards"- of reviewing the day and also looking toward tomorrow.
1. There is always something to pray about- there will always be 24 hours to look back upon and 24 hours ahead of you.
2. The gratitude moment is worthwhile in and of itself- this is in fact what Paul tells the Colossians.
There are times I find myself falling asleep while doing review- what better way than to fall asleep while praising God for the day?
3. We learn to face God where are, as we are.
So much of our days can be comsumed by looking like we have it all together- do we fool ourselves into thinking God expects that? God already knows who we really are, why not let God meet us there and walk us through?
4. We respect our feelings.
By this I mean we recognize them, hand them to God. This is not easy, but far easier than internalizing and letting them build and dominate.
5. Which leads to the notion that then we are able to be liberated from our feelings rather than enslaved to them.
Is not our God a God of liberation? A God ready to walk with us and shoulder the load, a God who wants to help us restore our relationships with God and each other?
6. We find things to confess-but our sins are not the only or primary focus when paired with well-rounded prayer time.
7. We begin to experience healing.
8. We get over our Deism-
God is more present than we usually think, and desires a deeper relationship than we sometimes assume or allow.
9. We find the antidote to Pelagianism-the belief that life with God is a "do-it-yourself project."
If at first you don't succeed...is not a theology of grace and freedom.
Our lives are a response to God's love. Not a prerequisite.


So often in our days, people ask, "How are you?" We say "fine" and move on. Often this is just a pleasantry. The examen asks us to pay attention to that question, not as navel gazing, but for perspective- seeing ourselves in relationship to God's children, to creation, and to God. To keep us connected by asking where those connections are strong, where they need help. There, God is saying, "have a seat, how is it going? I've got all the time in the world to listen."

Reversing Directions

Take a moment and ponder the things that populate your prayers. Praying for people who are sick, or in distress. Praying for care of creation, for justice, for the poor. Praying for favorable weather. Praying for answers to questions. Praying for safe travels. Praying for things that feel finite.
On my recent retreat, I shared with my spiritual director my practices of morning prayer and of daily Examen (review at the end of the day). Practices which when engaged in faithfully, have shaped and continue to shape my way of being. Practices which some days I yearn for, and other days not so much, when I am tired and empty, though these are the days I most need to attend to these practices.
Because the point of it all is not that I can engage in an action of praying, but that it is intentional time in conversation with God. In particular I have come to value the Examen as a way of looking back and saying, "that's where I saw you, God." Often times those are moments that make me smile. Sometimes those are moments when God's word I needed to hear came in the form of challenge.
As I look ahead to the ending of internship, the graduation of LC#1 and her transitions, and the uncertainty of many things, my director provided me with an article as old as LC#2, written by Dennis Hamm, S.J., entitled "Rummaging for God:Praying Backward Through Your Day."
Hamm lifts up that we hear and perceive God in creation, in the Scriptures ("the Word of God), in the authoritative teaching of the Church, and by attending to our experience and interpreting it in light of all those other ways of hearing the divine voice.

Hamm's suggestion about the use of the Examen begins as one might expect:
1. Pray for light, a sense of how the Spirit might be leading us, of "graced understanding...help me understand this blooming, buzzing confusion."

2. Review the day in thanksgiving, thankful for the Lord in every gift you encounter.

3. Review the feelings of the day and pay attention to them: "delight, boredom, fear, anticipation, resentment, anger, peace, contentment, impatience, desire, hope, regret, shame, uncertainty, compassion, disgust, gratitude, pride, rage, doubt, confidence, admiration, shyness."

4. Choose one of these feelings and pray from it. This feeling is a sign that something important is going on. He urges "express spontaneously the prayer that surfaces-praise, petition, contrition, cry for help, whatever."

All beneficial, yet it is the last step that is in essence the Examen in reverse.
Look toward tomorrow

As you look at what you know you will face- tasks, meetings, appointments, people-what are your feelings?
Whatever it is, turn it into prayer.

Praying God's presence and activity into the time.
I sense this as a wonderful way of addressing that sense of losing perspective that emotions can bring.
A prayer we pray not because God won't show up if we don't- but a gift to us of centering in advance. Of remaining open to God's activity and presence.

For myself, I have begun to live in this approach and have found that by nature then my morning prayer is simply a continuation of the conversation started the night before. Where I again remind myself of those things my day will hold, giving thanks for the gift of the day and all its possibilities, and again praying God's presence into the day.

When I came back from the retreat, I participated in a conversation with Martha Grace, the author of Unbinding the Gospel. A book addressing evangelism and lifting up the central role that prayer relationships have in shaping and inspiring ministry. That when we purposefully share a prayer life together and share what follows, we become much more comfortable talking about where we have seen God and what it means for us. Then we come alive and can share this experience with others because we need to share. We move away from "private faith" and into living faith in new ways.

While historically I have been a person who likes to have things "in control," in many ways I have realized over the last several years, how silly that notion is. Yet using this type of reverse Examen allows me to live one step farther.

As I contemplate each day, I am not only praying for my own feelings into the day, but also for all of the people who need to hear a word from God, that they might be drawn to our parish. That those in need might find God here. And I don't need to know who they will be. Only that they come and that we will be open.

Praying God into situations not only as "give me _____" though this is not wrong. Praying and trusting God to be at work and inviting God's surprise.
Since then, truly amazing encounters have happened, and events have taken turns I could not have seen, and my conversation with God is coming full circle.
All because God showed me how to reverse the process.

Just Who Exactly is This About?

Today's lesson in our lectionary is most commonly known as the parable of the "Prodigal Son"- the one who squandered. And yet, as I heard yesterday, perhaps this is a product of our mindset. We here in the land of plenty hear this as a story predominantly focused upon the son who demanded the inheritance and squandered it and then came back. How often do we see this as a story about being open to "others" not us- who screw up and should be forgiven? How often do we engage this form from the standpoint of the son who has followed all the rules?
Today after worship, one of the ushers came to share that there was a homeless woman in the back of the church and she parked her cart in the narthex. As the relating of information continued, I recognized who the woman was. I see her at our free breakfast and sometimes she stays and reads in our library during the Sunday school hour.
I came out and greeted her and was correct in my assumption. I asked how she was and we talked about how the wind and rain had made things hard for her. Her umbrella had been taken the last time she was with us.
Her umbrella was taken in church.
So she had put on her layers and now most were wet. But even more than this she shared that she loved to sit in empty churches and pray. This was a time she could encounter God.
Empty churches.
It could be that she enjoyed the silence and the space.
It could be that it was easier to pray.
But empty churches.
Beautiful and sacred, but alone.
How I longed to ask why empty churches.
Instead, I encouraged her to take her time in the space and to stay as long as she liked.
She already had her hands folded.
That was the end of first service,
and at the beginning of second, as I came in, one of the ushers told me that a homeless woman was looking for me.
They took me to her.
She had stayed.
I asked if she was OK and she shared that she wanted to know that I was here.
She stayed and worshipped.
At this point, she had been in some form of worship or teaching or prayer since 7 am till Noon.
I know she struggles and that this is not her "home."
I know she cries and that she cannot share why,
but I pray that she felt this day that we were not a pack of brothers or sisters sitting in judgment deciding whether she was worthy.
I pray that she got some glimpse otherwise.
That she saw that we too are the ones who hope and believe in a God who has met us, we the unworthy.
We the "not quite cleaned up." We the ones who have no reason to expect grace,
but who have experienced it.
That we who were redeemed by a God who ran out and met us with extravagant grace could do the same- run out and meet another who needs more than our recrimination.
Who needs someone to point the way to extravagant love and grace.
Who doesn't care where she has been or why she is here or the baggage she has in tow, but simply says,
"Child, you are loved. Let's celebrate that you are here."

Time, Time, Time, See What's Become of Me

We profess our belief in a God who "holds our souls in life and will not allow our feet to slip." Ps 66:7-8.
We call God our helper and deliverer and urge God not to delay in coming to our aid.
Ps. 70:5-6
We proclaim God has sustained us since birth and has been the source of our strength. Ps. 71:5-6.
Yet, when Jesus was incarnate in our midst, speaking words of help, deliverance, and sustenance, the response was " I will follow, but...first let me go and do what I think is important, what I think I need to do, what I want to do." Luke 9:61-62.

During Lent I have been attempting to be faithful to praying using the Divine Hours as my resource for prayer four times a day. This has required me to think a lot about the function of time. It seems like it should be simple- four times a day: once between 6 am and 9 am; between 11 am and 2 pm; between 5 pm and 8 pm and before bed. With broad parameters, how hard could it be?

What I have learned is that these are the busiest times of my day. In the morning when everyone is trying to get out of the door, and I am hoping the coffee kicks in, and there are always things people need, or things that I need to know for later, like who needs to be somewhere, and what they need to bring, or what deadline is approaching, what will we eat, when will we shop for the prom dress, when will LC#1 get another driving lesson, the list can seem like a giant snowball headed down the hill getting bigger and faster. And I am supposed to find a quiet place and pray?
Between 11 and 2 is the part of the day when people are coming and going, or meetings are starting or ending, or the hospital beckons, and I should do so many things before later in the day.
Between 5 and 8 is the dinner, music lessons, exercise class, feed the dog, homework, I need this for tomorrow, guess who is coming over tonite, how was your day time.
By the time we get to bedtime, I can be so ready to just crawl under the comforter and sleep.
Time can be a master.
By trying to be faithful to the prayer times, I remember that passage from Luke about, "first let me do ______." And what Jesus says after about looking back. Times when I settle in to prayer but so many distractions try to pull me back, pull me away.

Today in the morning office, the morning psalm comes from Psalm 90:1-8; 12.
God as our refuge from one generation to another.
God in time before creation.
God's view of time is broad,
yet we are quickly swept away, and fade like withered grass. Our time is brief.
We begin green and flourishing, but time speeds on.
And while we exist, we consume away, to God's displeasure.
We consume away- today this phrase in verse 7 struck me.
God who desires relationship with us, is placed in abeyance by us, by me, in all of the ways, I say "I'll get to you, God, but first... let me tend my house, my kids, my dog, my money, my job, my ___________."
All of these things are so tempting, continually calling us away.
Later in the psalm we hear, "teach us to number our days" -
see that we do not have God's infinity- we will run out of earthly time- so how long will we make God wait?
We also do not have God's vision of time and creation, which leads to greater wisdom,
So often we use our shorter sight, always searching for possibilities without remembering that God is here and waiting and ready to hold, help, deliver, strengthen and sustain.
I am still working at being more faithful to the prayer times, not because if I slavishly "do them" it will mean credit, but because when I embrace these times with God and live more fully into being still and being with God, little inklings of wisdom, patience, grace and mercy are revealed that indeed sustain my days.

I leave you with a clip from the Bangles (Simon and Garfunkel re-do)that speaks of the "time" factor and encourage you to ponder your own song about the times you leave that behind with God.

Almighty God, whose blessed Son was led by the Spirit to be tempted by Satan: Come quickly to help us who are assaulted by many temptations, and as you know the weaknesses of each of us, let each one find you mighty to save, through Jesus Christ our Lord who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and forever. Amen.

Lessons from the Birds on a Snowy Walk

With the warmer weather the birds are really beginning to chirp and warble. Toward the end of my time at the Jesuit Center, the winter storms had past and the sun had begun to come out. With the end of the bluster the birds began coming out from all of their hiding places. So did I and I took a snowy walk around the grounds which was much more leisurely in the absence of the tempest.
I am a birder of sorts. I set out hopeful for some good pictures. Especially because my friend Scott always gets some really nice ones and I wanted to share.
As I have said, a part of Ignatian spirituality is seeing God in all things. Here is how God and I had a conversation through the birds on my sun dappled snowy walk.
I set out eagerly and am looking up in the trees and in the fields for my "conquest"- birds ready for me to encounter them.
I hear them but the sun is bright and with the reflection off of the snow, I can not see what I hear, so I have to keep on.
Maybe there will be a better spot.
Then the wind blows and birds scatter.
Finally, I happen upon a lovely group of bluebirds- they are cheerfully engaged in their activity and are just beyond my range.
Determined to get closer, I scare them off.
Time and again until I give up and just watch. Watch as they call to each other and as they rejoice in the day.
Then I hear a tap-tap-tapping and look up to see a resplendent flicker, but he is always angled so that I cannot do the "glamour shot." The flicker is oblivious to my being there- so engrossed in his own search. There are no other birds with him but he cares not at all. Another bird finally joins but he moves on- and in his own flurry to "do" startles away the chickadee.
Are there times we become so committed to "our work" that we fail to see we are not community? Do we chase off others in our enthusiasm?

Further on there are more chickadees- but in flight are the crows.
Loud, dominant, and overwhelming. They dash the hopes of the little birds as they descend. Too much.

I sit in the esplanade and decide I cannot will the birds to stay put or pose "just right" and that fortunately I chose to enjoy what they were doing rather than just focus on what I wanted.

I know this is simplistic, but often it bears repeating.
Then I hear two birds engaged in a "call and response."
Bird one: I do this
Bird two: I do it back. And I add something.
Bird one: I try my pattern again- I do what I did
Bird two: I repeat what you did.
Bird one: I do this, but Bird Two comes in and cuts me off.
Both stop.
After a pause this pattern repeats
Bird one decides that "I can't get you to follow me and you can't get me to follow you"
Both fly off.

This pattern happens to people too.
Whenever our community is more about "me" than "us."
When it is not about discerning God's will together.

When we forget what the core really is.
We all do this.
And I ponder how I do this.

Falling in Love

One of my favorite spots was a contemplative space near my spiritual director's office. A beautiful blue space with bowed windows, plants and comfy chairs and my favorite part- ladybugs!
My whole life I have loved ladybugs- they always bring a smile.
When I was little my Mom would use a hole punch and a piece of construction paper to make red dots. Then I would glue them onto note paper and make their dots and legs and antennae.
To this day one of my favorite "make me smile" things.
When LC#2 was little we had a "Ladybug Farm"- we got the little house with the plastic window and the chilled ladybugs arrived by UPS- we did not realize that there was a hole in the farm and generations of escapees can be seen in our house and at her school.
In my call to ministry it has been about joy and laughter and imagination.
Sometimes I have to slow down my energy, but deep down- I want to laugh and to dream and get carried away by it all.
No wonder this poem captured my attention:

"Falling in Love"

Nothing is more practical
than finding God
that is- falling in love,
in a quite absolute, final way,
with what you are in love with.
What seizes your imagination
will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, who you know,
what breaks your heart
and what amazes you with
joy and gratitude.
Fall in love, stay in love
and it will decide everything.
- Pedro Arrupe, S.J.