Wednesday, August 27, 2008

I want off of this ride please

I am not a good patient. I am worse at being a parent of a child with an issue. And there are two daughters and two issues. One is with LC#1. She the child of long-standing developmental issues stemming from brain trauma at birth. It is time for another clinical neuropsych eval. And the old evaluator has moved. SO I am starting at ground zero, and know this will be a new time of adjustment for LC#1 who needs this evaluation for the accomodations she may need for college, but also in the back of my mind is the statement that " you should not let her drive without reviewing her status. Even with medication she may be too unfocused, in which case she is a danger to herself and others." Haunting words indeed. And so this is not just a new appointment but a whole new running of the gauntlet. And telling the whole story again. The whole tiring story. And I confess that I get tired just having to again tell about her birth trauma and how she almost died. And I wish this pain had a shelf life that would expire but it does not. And like every other person whose issues are not obvious to the eye- she "looks so normal." So I have to kick myself around to do this. I am kicking myself now. And it is when I am feeling like this that I remember the doctor who was negligent telling me he " understood I thought her delivery was less than optimal."
Until now I have counted myself blessed that LC#2 is issue free. No glasses. No medicines, no allergies, nothing. She decided to run cross-country this year. She started coughing. A lot. We went to the doctor and he said she was a little congested- too soon to say anything. Well, two more weeks have passed. Now there is coughing and trouble breathing. Sounds like what they call " exercise induced asthma." But then she had the day with chest pain and numbness. And I decided to call the doctor. That day a family we know had a daughter who is 19 go out running and drop dead from cardiac arrest. Now we are in the world of EKG's and pulmonary function tests. And I am praying this is really just an inhaler, but it is hard not get my imagination going. And I wonder if we should tell her she just can't run, or if that would be overreacting. And I wish I was stronger, but it is only on the inside this is all happening, as I tell my daughter the EKG is just shiny post-it notes with wires attached. So this morning before the doctor's appointments, my husband and I went out for breakfast, and a man collapsed at the counter and the ambulance was called. And when I took my daughter to the Health Campus for her doctor's appointment they called a Code Blue at the Cafe down the hall.
And I am waiting for my CPE evaluation which needs to be in by Friday, which is now getting picked up on Friday in Lancaster and driven an hour and 45 minutes away to Gettysburg the day it is due before the football game. After this summer, I know all of this is still small compared to the enormous issues people confront every day, including those whose lives were impacted in the places I went today, but I still wish I was getting off of this ride. Now I am done whining because it is time to be praying.

5 comments:

Gannet Girl said...

This is a LOT. May God's gracious peace envelop you today.

DogBlogger said...

Oh, a lot indeed. praying....

Marshall said...

L&G: re: "After this summer, I know all of this is still small compared to the enormous issues people confront every day, including those whose lives were impacted in the places I went today, but I still wish I was getting off of this ride."

Jesus said, "Let today's troubles be sufficient for today." My most common application of that at the bedside is, "The trouble you have is the trouble you have to deal with, and it is just as important and just as worthy of your time and attention, and mine, as the troubles any other person might face." After all, for all our talk about the "pain scale," pain can't really be quantified, much less compared from one person to another.

Thanks for your comment at my blog. God be with you.

Ivy said...

You are in our prayers. I had no idea as I was lost in the world of Summer Greek. Now that it's concluded, I can catch up. See you around campus. Peace.

Beth said...

Greetings from an LTSG alum (class of '03), who stumbled across your blog. I'm also the mother of a 'special needs' child (don't you just love labels?) and I'm holding you in prayer!