It's about more than an Aisle

A couple weeks ago, here at the church the phone rang and a young woman began a tale of being baptized in our church, how her brother had been married here and her family had gone here. HAD.

And how important it was to reconnect with this church. Oh, and she is engaged.

After listening politely I asked if either she or her beloved currently were a part of the congregation. They are not. I thoughtfully explained the wish of the congregation that one of them be a part of the congregation. (Lovely church that we are we don't just offer the loveliness for hire). I asked if she and her beloved were thinking of becoming a part of our church. "We could" she said. Not a ringing endorsement, but I offered to meet with the two of them face to face to talk about it all. Told her of the times for worship and encouraged her/them to come and be a part of worship here.

And that was all that transpired til today. They arrived and we all settled in. I asked again about their situation and learned the woman's Mom lives a few blocks away. "Have I met her?" I wondered. No, I was told, because she doesn't get out much and doesn't come here anymore. I renewed exploration of whether the couple was intending to be connected with this church. Well, there was the issue that they live about 25 minutes away. And he has mandatory Sundays at work. When I asked about her schedule, he offered she did not work Sundays. And she quickly corrected him that she could have to and sometimes she did. Hmmm.

While recognizing the sentimental connection to this church I wondered aloud if maybe another church closer to them might offer them a faith community they could connect with.
Silence. If it had been night time I might have heard crickets.

Well, then, can you tell me why having a wedding in a church is important? After all, marriages can happen anywhere and lots of people can officiate. And she blurted out:

WELL HOW ELSE CAN I GIVE MY DAD THAT CHANCE TO WALK ME DOWN THIS AISLE?

Well, there you have it.

I offered that there are many places which offer the chance to walk down an aisle. That the reason to be married in the church is that you believe that God is central to your life. That a religious ceremony offers- this is where the man chimes in- " God's blessing in your marriage." Exactly.

We really do offer more than an aisle or great pictures or a sentimental moment. We offer community. It starts when we meet for a few times and talk about the strengths of your relationship and the challenges you might face. And we offer people who will walk with you. And we offer help growing in what it means to be a follower of Christ and how that shapes our doing and being. It's not about being legalistic. It's about being centered in something and someone greater.

I can't make that be important to you. But I can tell you we believe it is important. So if you want to think about what's been said and discuss it, know that I am open to continuing to talk and explore all of these things but that takes getting together face to face because relationships deserve that.

SO she looks at him and says- "I don't know what do you think?" He defers and says that this is really her decision. "Oh fine, put it on me! That way when you don't like it, it was my idea!" OK. I encouraged them to take time and talk, when they can do it without me sitting there. Let me know. I am here.

I don't think we'll see each other again, but based upon my twenty minutes today, I really do hope they take their time. Because while I regret to inform them that we are about more than an aisle. So is marriage.

“George”

It was kind of a random blah day and I was avoiding writing a paper for my class, and trying to get something ready for dinner when I realized I needed carrots. Not generally the most exciting life, I know. So I grump my way to the car, because it just is no fun to be down to the last ingredients and realize you are stuck. I usually shop at this Grocery Store by the Cows, at the edge of our town, on the edge of farmland, still sells their own dairy's milk, does not carry the eight million "got-to-have it" products that the mega-store does, and where all of the baggers still wear a tie. A place where when you look confused someone actually asks if you need help and means it, and the place where I now know that "George" works.

So I am in the checkout line and I see that my bagger is an older gentleman who is wearing a wide and vivid Stars and Stripes design tie, with… matching suspenders. I compliment him on his tie, and he smiles, and proudly pulls up his pant leg to show me his "USA" socks. About now is when my husband hates being at the store with me, but lucky for him, and for me, he is not here to drag me away from spontaneous banter. There is no one behind me and I ask "George" if he has a special tie for Valentine's Day also, making random conversation as my order is being totaled.

He tells me he does not, but that maybe someone will get him one, because it is his wedding anniversary, adding that he has been married for six years. Instinctively, he must say that he was married to his first wife for 40 years before she died. He remarried a mere nine months later- married his wife's friend, a widow in town. They had known each other since they were kids. They had all been friends, and their kids had played together. They had undoubtedly been attending all of the milestone moments of life, weddings, graduations and funerals for nigh on 60 plus years. They had always been friends. Getting married after all of this time, probably felt kind of like putting on a comfy old sweater. He says it was his idea to get married on Valentine's Day so he could not forget their anniversary, he says with a wink. All of their kids, who are friends and now suddenly step-siblings have had a good laugh over their changed status, and it sounds like everyone is overjoyed that the two later-in-life lovebirds hooked up.

He regaled me with the tale that before they married, the young pastor told them they would need to take pre-marital sessions. He chortled, "..And I told him, that was fine, that between me and her we had been married for 76 years and we'd be happy to answer any questions he might have about being married." Mental note to self, seriously consider asking someone like George and the Lovely Bride to take a class. Call it chatting to prepare for the sermon, or just pure interest. But apparently the pastor has taken some ribbing about this well, and so has George. It has become a part of the folklore of their congregation I gather.

Since I was still listening, he got a smile and told me he was retired a couple years now, and that when he left his job, his (current) wife asked him what he was going to do with his time. With a sparkle in his eye, he jovially announced," I'm going clowning!" and, he added, giddily, she said, "Let's go!" They now work as Make-a-Wish clowns all around the area, when they are not with the grandkids of their collective families. I think if I can find a great Valentine's tie, I might just have to give it to George to wear when he and the missus go clowning, and I hope someday I am blessed to have a parish with at least one "George."