Saturday, August 11, 2007

It's time to be a grownup now

Once I graduated, I proclaimed it was time to be a grownup. Shopping for court-worthy clothes with no money was a challenge, but somehow it all worked out. When I had moved to the town where I would be working, I decided that a responsible young lawyer like myself should be upstanding and go to church. There just happened to be a Presby church within walking distance of my apartment and work. I started going faithfully. I knew two people when I went the first time. It was built on land given by William Penn. It has just been restored to the tune of over $1 million dollars. Everyone who was anyone went there. La-di-da.
By now I was engaged and I asked my fiance to come to church with me on Sundays because it was important to me. He was a lapsed Catholic, baptized but never confirmed. The child of a Methodist and Slovak Catholic. Since they could not agree on a church, there had been none. My beloved's experience was limited to what he learned at all of the VBS programs his friends took him to.
I decided it would be easier to plan a wedding at this church rather than the "Church of the Really Big Deal" back home. We met with the associate pastor. He was about 2 years older than us. He gave us a Myers-Briggs and determined that we were both too "J" to marry...but if we insisted. Such misuse of the test if ever there was. Actually, he is an ISTJ and I am and ENTJ. We complement each other very well because even though we may approach situations differently we have the same general method. What this means in reality is that we procratinate about different things. Since we were not members, we paid for everything. The church, the sexton, the organist, the candles, everything was for a price. We were not asked if we wanted to join. We worshipped there for a year and not one person ever shook our hand, introduced themselves, noticed our checks in the offering plate. We were invisible.
It came time to plan our vows and service. I said I did not want to promise to "obey" but would "cherish" or "respect." This unleashed was a maelstrom of recrimination from the Presbyterian pastor. I suggested that we should consider the context in which the text upon which the vow was based, I suggested that Jesus' ministry was about establishing equality and respect. And that there may have been other broader issues in the church addressed in the verses. He laughed and asked if what people would think if he preached that on Sunday. He also asked us what would be things that could end our marriage. I mentioned physical abuse or infidelity. He told me that as a wife I should be open to forgiving my husband of anything, even infidelity or abuse because it might be possible I did something to induce it. This was the week of the wedding and now we just wanted to get married. My beloved mentioned that it was not important to him that I "obey". During our wedding the homily was on the high rate of divorce. Someone had the last word-'nuf said.
The month we married, we bought a house, I started a new job in lawfirm, got married and we left for our honeymoon in Scotland. A month later I was 26 years old and ready to start advising people about the problems in their lives.


David said...

Great stuff here. I have really enjoyed reading about your college and law school experiences. Thanks for sharing them.

Gannet Girl said...

I am laughing over the issue of professional clothing and the idea of a 26yo advising people on their legal life problems -- how well I remember both those quandries!

LawAndGospel said...

I guess it really isn't much different than a "pipeliner" seminarian as I am told the "straight through school" folks are called. Although the women can count their blessings that clerical garb is a lot easier than the de rigeur attire for women attorneys in the 80's. It will interesting to compare school now to school then.

Diane said...

I'm just getting caught up (it might take awhile because I have to borrow a computer. long story). Anyway, I love this one too. As someone who took Meyers-briggs, counsels people using Prepare, and would never take vows using OBEY, I both laughed and shuddered. The whole "you might have done something to induce" abuse thing -- I shudder.
Good thing your husband didn't go along with the pastor.

Diane said...

Oh yes, I also remember the whole "dress for success" thing.